wifiweed:

*goes to fancy restaurant orders the kids’ meal*

“I hope that someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and that’s all they do. They don’t pull away. They don’t look at your face. They don’t try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of selfishness in it.” — Jenna, Waitress (via hplyrikz)

  • cashier: need any bags?
  • me: no thanks i have plenty under my eyes

officialwhitegirls:

*tries to make a joke on this website* 

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when you actually do your homework but leave it at home

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  • me: hello darkness my old friend
  • darkness: do i know u

fake-mermaid:

intensional:

i left the house today to hang out with my friends and 3 of my family members just texted me saying “wow you left the house :o”

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pope-prancis:

He’s almost unrecognisable

darrynek:

save money by not paying your bills